Cat joke

Z:  Chels, I have a joke for you!  Where do good cats go to eat their cake??

C;  I don't know! I only have a bad cat!!

Z age 10 C age 8

Human body

Zach to Chelsea: Have you ever noticed how weird the human body is? I mean, seriously, it was invented this way!

Minnesota

Esper: I went to Minnesota before I knew you. It's really far away. They have a museum and a restaurant AND a grocery store!

Chelsea: Minnesota sounds AWESOME!  I want to go to Minnesota!

Only child

The morning after Zach leaves for camp.
Chels: Is it time to call Zach yet?
Me: We don't get to call him. We don't get to talk to him until we pick him up.
C: Seriously? That's not fair! No one said I couldn't even talk to him! All weeek?!? Oh my gosh!

At bedtime...
Me: How is it being an only child?
Chels: It's pretty fun. Except when we go out to dinner and I have to take everyone's straw wrappers and crunch it into a big ball because there are no kids there for me to talk to and play with.

Camp Time

Zach to Chelsea: Don't worry, I will only be at camp for 2 weeks. I'll be back in no time.

Me: Uhhh, what the heck? No! You are going to camp for 5 days!

Zach: What do you keep freaking out about and saying I am abandoning you for? 5 days is so fast! Are you kidding me?!

Gilmore Girls

Chelsea is obsessed with the Gilmore Girls. She is on the series finale and she starts doing the sprinkler to the opening credits. I just looked at her. She said "this is my sad sprinkler. My happy sprinkler doesn't work right now."

Chicken dog

Chelsea: At recess I am playing a nee game with my friends. I am a dog who thinks she is a chicken. Also, I am very lazy!

Age 7

Weirdo

C: have you ever noticed that Zach has been a weirdo my entire life? I wonder if me being born was what made him weird.

Bed time

Chelsea is sleeping with me tonight.  She is really wound up and having a tough time falling asleep.

Me: You're the worst kid in the whole world.
Her: You're the worst mom in the whole world.  And the best. And I am the best too.

2 minutes later .......

She kept touch my face so I bit her finger. She then went into the entire "Charlie bit my finger!" bit. Complete with British accent.

2 minutes later....

"How did you pick this house?
Me: I didn't.  Dad did.
Her: how did he pick it?
Me: I have no idea.
Her: oh I see.

2 minutes later.....

"Hey..... you know how I'm going to grow up and move out and you will be sad all the time and never have anything to do?"
Me: ........yeahhhhhhhh......
Her: I know what you should do! 
Me: okkkkkk.........
Her: You should just have another baby when that happens.  You will be old but you can have a baby anytime.

2 minutes later ......

Fast asleep.

Wrong end

Chelsea: you're my favorite mom.

Me: You're my favorite daughter.

C: I'm your only daughter so I'm your least favorite too.

Me: no way. Just my favorite.

C: thats true with me about you too. Even though I almost gave up on you once. Im glad I stuck with you.

Me: you were going to give up on me??

C: yeah. And live with a doctor mom. But I wouldn't really want to. Especially on bring your daughter to work day. Because what if I saw a baby being born?? You know they come out the wrong end! I do not want to see that!

Sports

Zachs buddies mom was picking up her son from our house after the Super Bowl. Chelsea said something to her and she didn't understand after I told her what Chels said she said "oh! I thought you said something about Thelma and Loise!" After saying how great Thelma and Louise was she asked Zach if he had ever seen it. He said "we dont really follow sports. sorry."

Z age 9

Foil hat

Chelsea asked me to make her a hat out of foil. I asked "who is trying to read your mind? Aliens or the government?"
She said "aliens. I dont believe in the government!"

C age 6

BFF

Chelsea was trying to talk me into making disappearing marshmallow crescents for dessert i wasnt going for it because it meant another trip to the store for marshmallows. She said "it'll be awesome! What do ya say BFF?"

Chels 6

Homework

Chelsea wanted to do her homework before I had a chance to help her. She was supposed to write yes or no if the picture had a N. Instead she wrote out each word. My favorites are "praso" for pretzel and "pokn" for popcorn.  I seriously dont want to turn this homework in.

In another section she had to list 3 cold things. She said:

snow

mom

ice

Sick

Chelsea isn't feeling well today. I just put her in bed and she got really upset, basically because she is sick. I went and laid down with her and talked to her a bit until she calmed down. Then I sang to her, hush little baby and you are my sunshine,  the two song I sing most to my kids. When I was done she had big tears in her eyes. I asked what was wrong and she said

"Those songs are so sweet!"

Then buried her head in my chest and snuggled in really close.

I could live though any parenting frustration for that moment.  ♥♥♥

Chelsea 6

Walk to school

Me: Zach I'm soooo tired! I think you should walk to school so I can go back to sleep.

Z: what?! No! I can't walk to school!  Would you walk to school? ?

Me: yeah I used to walk to school all of the time. I wasn't spoiled like you, no one drove me.

Z: Mom! Of course you walked to school!  Cars weren't even invented yet when you were a kid!  I guess you could have ridden a horse. But then you would goof off and be late.

Zach age 8

Totoro

We have a neighbor cat who has been spending a lot of time in our yard. I think he looks like Totoro so that is what I call him. The kids and I decided he is Gidget's (our cat) boyfriend. I was singing "Gidget and Totoro sitting in a tree.... K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Zach:  Mom, I think you mean L-I-C-K-I-N-G!

Zach - age 8

Archaeologist

Chels had to do a 'Getting to know you' poster for school. One of the boxes on it asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be an archaeologist. I asked her how it went and she told me

"No one knew what an archaeologist was. I wanted to tell them its River Song but no one in my class even knows Doctor Who! I just cant explain everything to them."

Chels - age 5 

Corruption

Z: Chels, do you want to go to jail? I'm going to be a police so I can put you in jail.
C: I don't want to go to jail.
Z: Then you better give me a lot of money so you don't have to go to jail.
C: But I don't have a lot of money!
Z: You better get some. Maybe steal it or something.

They become corrupt so young nowadays. ::sigh::

Z - 8
C - 5

Hunger Games

Heading into Costco

C: can I get a smoothie?
Z: me too?
Me: I'll tell you what, lets play hunger games.
Z: what is that?
Me: I'll send you into the forest and only one of you comes out. Whoever comes out gets the smoothie.
Z: mom, are you sure that's appropriate?
C: do we have to walk to the woods?

Z - 8 years old
C - 5 years old