Hangry

C: Mom, I'm really hangry. Like, I feel like I want to rip some people's arms and legs off.

C 5 years old

Gravity

Z: I figured out how gravity works. I know gravity is what keeps us from falling off the earth but I kept thinking 'where does it come from' so I thought and thought until I figured it out. I think there are Jedis standing on the clouds using the force to keep us all safe and not falling off the earth. 

Z 8 years old

Black and white

C: Mom, was dad born in black and white?
Me: Like was the world black and white? 
C: Yeah cuz that's how it was in the really old days.
Me: Yeah. He totally was.

That's what he gets for laughing at me growing up in the ole west!

C 5 years old

My color

C: Pink really isn't my color. Well... on my feet anyway.

When deciding between black or pink shoes.

C 5 years old

Imaginary Friend

C: My imaginary friend is the first dog ever. His name is Dead Cookie but he's not dead. His last secret is that he likes to wear shoes. He rides motorcycles and surfboards. And he goes to 7-11. And everytime he goes bowling he knocks down every pin.

C 5 years old

Something Black

Z and C are playing I Spy.
C: I spy something black.
Z guesses and guesses.
Z: I give up. What is it?
C: Its mamma!
Z: uhh.... she's not black....
C: Well, she's a sassy lady so she is kinda black.
WTF who teaches my kids these things?!

Z 8 years old
C 5 years old

Doctor

I am getting dressed C spots a tshirt in my drawer.
C: Oh! Oh! Wear that one! With Harry Potter!
Me: Who is on it?
C: I mean Doctor.
Me: Doctor Who?
C (thoroughly disgusted): That is not Doctor Who! Mom! That is Doctor Horrible!

C 5 years old